Unnoticed Neglected Overlooked

To all my friends in UTM, I Love You All.

2007-04-19T04:34:00.000+08:00

I will going to miss you all.Bye.

Mou daijoubu shinpai nai to nakisou na watashi no soba de
itsumo kawaranai egao de sasayaite kureta
mada mada mada yareru yo datte itsu demo kagayaiteru
toki ni wa isogisugite miushinau koto mo aru yo shikatanai
zutto mimamotte iru karatte egao de
itsumo no you ni dakishimeta
anata no egao ni nando tasukerareta darou
arigatou arigatou Best Friend
.
Konna ni takusan no shiawase kanjiru toki wa shunkan de
koko ni iru subete no nakama kara saikou no purezento
mada mada mada yareru yo datte itsu demo minna soba ni iru
kitto ima koko de yari togerareru koto sonna koto mo chikara nikawaru
zutto mimamotte iru karatte egao de
itsumo no you ni dakishimeta
minna no egao ni nando tasukerareta darou
arigatou arigatou Best Friend

Toki ni wa isogisugite miushinau koto mo aru yo shikatanai
zutto mimamotte iru karatte egao de
itsumo no you ni dakishimeta
anata no egao ni nando tasukerareta darou
arigatou arigatou Best Friend

Zutto zutto zutto Best Friend

Today's Model

2007-04-19T04:26:00.000+08:00

On the negative eleventh day before I really leave Johore and UTM.
This is the model in his most passionate pose. On my "tilam". Maybe he has a big problem in his mind. Yeah cheer up Airi.

A little pain - Olivia

2007-04-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

This is the songs from the ending of NANA anime. I really love that anime. I am still watching it in You Tube. Because of my slow internet connection and blocked to P2P I cannot download the avi version of NANA. I just love this Romantic, touching, comedy (and all other genre) anime. Enjoy "A Little Pain by Olivia or Reira Trapness...

How my desk looks like...

2007-04-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

This is how it looks like. Like my head. "kacau bilau" and "huru hara". I can't imagine everyday I am going through. I felt really suicidal. I hate myself and everything around me. I just want to live happy but I cannot really stand the trial everyday. I am getting weaker than getting stronger each day.
I hope there is light waiting in the end of the tunnel.(Above shows my table lamp with Ubuntu sticker on it.)

Hint Marketing!!!

2007-04-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

Damn it I don't know from which book are them...

just read page 5, 21(public group), 24(economic), 31(marketing research), 32, 33, 34, 35, 39, 41, 42, 46(segmentation by consumer markets), 49(selecting market segment), 50, 51(till no 5 only), 56(brands), 57, 65(cause of failure to get market acceptance), 66, 67, 68, 69, 75(marketing obj), 81(market skimming strategy), 82(market penetration strategy), 88, 89(vertical marketing system), 90, 92(physical distribution and logistic), 93, 104(promotion mix)-105, 112, 113, 114, 118, 119(selling process)-120, 132(def of customer value and satisfaction), 133.

I am dead meat....aaaa

Why giving up?

2007-04-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

Why giving up?
Yes it is not easy to continue.
But it is the way it should be.
Human sustain because the persistent.
Why, why?
Everything seems so heavy.
My shoulder is going down.
The sky is getting higher.
As the wind is getting stronger.
I can never touch the rainbow.
I am going deeper.
Rather than higher.
Failure dragging me.
No sweet words in my ears.
Just people leaving in my eyes.
Further and further.
Than I close my eyes.
Try not to listen to any songs of the wind.
Wind becomes storm.
Rainbow become rain.
No more tears of joy.
Just the unwanted weeping.
Continuously.

-elvinado-

Planetarium - Otsuka Ai

2007-04-17T02:12:00.000+08:00

I watched Hana Yori Dango long time ago and found out that the theme song is this song. I like this song so much...

Nothing get better

2007-04-17T01:59:00.000+08:00

Why is it nothing get better everyday. I love to write something beside whining but nothing gets better. I hate everything I see I hear I do. I need to do my marketing assignment. I am tired and lazy. I don't want do do it but nobody else hold my life beside myself. Everything is on me and it is heavy. I can't imagine how to live a better life. It is heard damn. Marketing mix, I hate it. I need to do all the thinking and I do it in the very last minute. I need to hand in the assignment tomorrow. AAAA what should I do. Nobody are going to help me. Only me and myself who holds my self. I hate the fact. I love the theory of group work but I hate the fact. Damn. I want to laugh I want to be happy but loads of works and thinks to do made me rather sad and down all the time damn. Still life must go on. I got exams to go and thesis. Everything I must do in a very short of time. These thing really demotivate me from continuing doing Master degree. I hope I can make it through this degree first. I still don't know what will happen. Everything seems so heavy. I need to go on. O Lord Jesus Christ I know you listen to me. HELP ME!!!

My New XP Desktop

2007-04-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

I got lots of things to do but still I felt boring. I like to do what I like to do. Here is one of them. I am not really tend to change my desktop theme because usually I need to use shell software like style xp and so on. I just believe these kind of software waste my memory.
In this little project I did not use any shell software but do a little hacks I learn from some websites that I already forgetten where.The theme is clearly Vista theme. The Firefox also using Vista theme. Just that I can't find out the way to achieve glass effect in vista which I don't know whether it is possible. On the left I use Rainlendar 2 with the skin "Rewind with Digital Clock". The most interesting part is the dock on the bottom of the desktop. It was RocketDock.
I got my wallpaper from a video and picture hosting site, Sevenload. They shared many good photo and photography.
I am adapting to my new desktop. A bit awkward a bit but right now I am getting used to it.
Ooo I just remembered, both xp taskbar on the top and RocketDock at the bottom were auto hide. It was just for display purposes that I unhidden it.

Thank You, Thank You

2007-04-16T02:44:00.000+08:00

Thank you, thank you
I've lifted me up where you left me down
Brushed off the water when you left me to drown
For all the hurt you gave to me
And all the lies you made me see
I thank you, thank you
For being a mistake I learned from
instead of always giving I'll take some
Making yourself the one I love to hate
Opening my eyes before it's too late
so I thank you, thank you
I want much more from life than you can give
I want to die happy, but first I want to live
You're the one that made it possible it's true
For showing me I don't want to be like you
And I thank you, thank you
I wipe away the dirt you threw in my afce
I burn the bridges you tried to put in place
For all the times you left my crying
It's about time that you're the one dying
And I thank you, thank you

Bridget Bush

What have I learn all my life?

2007-04-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

When people ask question I cannot answer any of them.
When people ask very basic question, I just make them wait and try to find the answer.
Actually I don't know the answer.
When I want to say "I don't know" I am afraid I will hurt them.
I really felt like a jerk.
What have I learn all my life?
Going to school, college, university...
Not knowing to answer basic question...
Damn it.
I hate to be forgetful. I always forget what I have learn.
I am so jealous to my friends that answer questions. Because I cannot.
I can't imagine how am I going to continue my life if I kept hiding behind my seniority.
It is a privilege becoming junior because you can ask and other will answer.
A senior is someone that can rely on, can answer questions, knowledgeable, useful.
I am not that kind of guy.
I just a person who lost the purpose.
Just a person that keep going because I cannot turn back.
Just a person that give up easily but until now never give up.
A fool that has nothing to do...

Thinking about Friendship...

2007-04-15T11:00:00.000+08:00

How to get friends and do not lose them?

Be courteous
Looked Happy
Listen
Be useful
Be clever
Be Intelligent
Remember

Why?

Be rude... sure our so-called friend say bad things behind us. They still say even we are so courteous.
Be sad... everybody has their own problem, they don't have time for our whining.
Ignore... our friends will ignore us back.
Be useless...then what is the purpose of having a person that being a burden to others.
Again... people don't like foolish people.
Stupid people don't answer question and also don't question. People tend to leave this kind of people in their own world.
Forgetfulness is fatal.

Failed to login and Whatever...

2007-04-15T07:51:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to log since yesterday but failed. I dont know what is wrong but I just failed to log even I tried it trillions time. Damn. Actually I already forgot what I wanted to write yesterday. I did not sleep just now. Still awake. I am not sleepy at all even though my back ache a bit. As if I am studying but indeed I am just surfing all night long.

This blog is still in the secret stage whereby I do not inform anybody about this blog yet. Maybe soon I surely tell them when I got something interesting inside. But right not the posts were all my whining unendingly.

I started my Utopia account. I don't know how long will I last this time. Same as this blog. (every time I write blog I end suddenly without reason). And by the principle of never give up I always started again. Actually I wanna play Utopia because want to join Airi.

Ok I remember now... yesterday Asoi, Nik, Zul, Isye and me went to Cafe K9 to have our supper. We waited for quite sometime before we got our meal, burger. We got our burgers not until near 2 o'clock. Then we went straight back. Rizal was not at the hostel because he went back home for few days. Or maybe he return today I heard so.

Today I planned to do my laundry. The start the marketing assignment. It is 20 percent man big fraction of marks. Damn it I need to rely on myself. I don't really hope those two to be with me doing the assignment.

Ok Chiao...

Expectation...

2007-04-14T02:38:00.000+08:00

Every time I do expectation, I will be disappointed. How stupid am I expecting I will become the one of the best presenter when I already giving up in one of the stage. Surely I did the presentation so well but that was not the matter. The things of concern was the flesh of the presentation. The gist was useless and lack in all corner. Looking at those who won I felt a bit jealous because I saw theirs but I can say that my presentation was better. But I didn't show my feeling. However people still know that I felt that way. Sometimes I just felt that some people just destine to fall and fail. Then they are destine to rise again. Maybe better or maybe not. End about that...

Ivy, the one that I always think of. She did not even care my birthday. I know I am also kind of forgetful and of course she also maybe kind of forgetful. Still I feel sad in a way. I really wish she would say at least Happy Belated Birthday. I am still waiting. I deliberately miss called her. She still did not realize or she just purposely do that. Another expectation that just to be disappointed. I cannot say that I love her anymore because as time pass the feeling also gone bit by bit. But I never hate her.

I wonder why, seems like nothing working as planned. I really wanted to count the blessing in my days but I always ended counting the curses. I don't like it.

It's over now...

2007-04-12T19:23:00.000+08:00

I survive the presentation and I made it magnificently. Some questions asked were killing though but I hope everything will be alright. I heard that a student was failed by the lecturer due to certain reason and she was very sad. It gave me a chill because my project was way too simple. But I need to admit that to achieve current state I strive much and gone through sleepless night. Now the sleepless night is ALMOST over. The last hurdle will be the final exam. Then nothing will stop me from discovering more about this world. Either I will work or I will further my study. I really dreams to have title Doctor in front of my name. Till next time. Ganmbatte neh!!!

I am ready

2007-04-12T03:11:00.000+08:00

I am ready for my presentation tomorrow(actually this morning).
I pray hard to the Lord that he will be with me and send his Holy Spirit to lead me in my act and in my words.
I am nervous i can't deny but still I need to make it through. I can never give up.
I will just tell what i do and really feel what i do so that people will put their interest in my presentation and in the topic that i discuss.
Lord Jesus be with me. Amen

Got New Camera and Presentation

2007-04-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

My mother called me this morning. She told me that my brother gave me a new digital camera for my birthday. The first person that wished me happy birthday was my mother than Jocelyn Tayun then Amanda and Alice.

What happen today?
PSM presentations was magnificent. Lots of my course mates presented very good. But certain of my friend got really bad killing questions than can really change the living.
Just that tomorrow will be my turn.

My Birthday

2007-04-11T01:33:00.000+08:00

Today is my birthday...
Nobody wish me Happy Birthday.
Maybe this year people already forget me.
But I feel a bit sad though.
It is not like I always remembered others birthday
but if I remembered I will wished them immediately
Maybe I need to wait till the daybreak.
Maybe some people still thinks I am important.

On the 12 May 2007 I will present my final year Presentation.
I pray that I will be able to do it properly.
I will do the best.
God please bless my work.